* Cross-posted with @mirz333 * It has been 2 years since Alicia's death. I peek in at DA every few months, but my heart is simply not in it. Even before @Endorell-Taelos passing, things felt so alien here. Now, everything is so shiny and different (took me forever and 2 tries to post this journal), and I can hardly find my way around. I truly feel old. Then again, my life feels so...old. I often refer to my "past life," before I fell into exile. (Sorry, being a bit overdramatic, but not too much). 10 years ago, at the height of my DA "fame", I never dreamed I would be where I am now. All the creativity has bled out of me and I feel like a shell -- a husk -- of what I was. Perhaps life will breathe back into this body someday, but it feels like it will take a miracle. And I seem to be in short supply of those. Nevertheless, I still hold so many DA people dear in my heart. I wanted to peek in and let you all know that I'm not dead. Still very wounded, and smoking again (gah, what