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The first thing that popped into my head one day was the last stanza of this poem, which was partly inspired by the taunting song of the Gingerbread Man.
I was looking for magazines in England that published short stories and poetry, when I came across one that was looking for poems about isolation. Although I haven't submitted any of my work to be published, I still thought of continuing my poem.
I tried to make the whole poem rhyme at first, but eventually I gave up and made only the last stanza rhyme (rhyming poetry was never my strongest suit).
The poem is inspired by a lot of things in my life:
The lonliness of my last two years of high school
The feeling of being out of place as a person with dual nationality who lived in two different countries (born in the Phillippines, lived in Egypt, currently in England)
My own tendency to enjoy solitude and to wander around from place to place just to be alone.
Not to mention the number of transient relationships I have had with people who I probably will never see again.
I'm not sure how well it turned out, but comments and suggestions are welcome.
Let me know what you think, and hope you enjoy it!
The preview image is (c) of
1.) How do you feel about the structure of the stanzas? Does it read too much like prose?
2.) Are there any parts that don't make any sense?
3.) Any lines or stanzas that could be modified somewhat?
4.) General opinions?
Feedback for The Lick of the Flame by
Now your questions :
1/ I'm not an expert in poetical structures but what I can say about yours is that it kinda reminded me of a japanese song called "Bad Apple".
The fact is that I feel something like a "rythm" when I read it. It's a prose yet there is something that make the whole thing poetic.
2/ I don't see any part that doesn't make sense !
3/ This sentence : " But instead I opt for the simple one, because the truth only leads to more questions " may be a little too long compared to the rest of the poem in my opinion, but I don't know if it will be good to "cut" it into two parts either. That's the only modification I could think of and it's just a little detail honestly.
4/ As a métis who also travelled I recognized myself in some of your lines ^^ especially the famous question "where are you from"
I also enjoy solitude.
So yeah, I really loved the story behind your words and the pictures you used. Great job
1. I liked the structure and the organization of the poem. Its free flowing. The imagery was great and there was a lot of impact by the end of it.
2. Everything made perfect sense!
3. When I first read this, I thought it was kind of like a rendition of 'The Host' since the main character was a soul that lived a lot of lives in different forms. And her name was 'Wanderer.' I think that having the last line as 'I'm the Wanderer' is more appropriate because of this line 'Being a wanderer sounds like a nice occupation'
The last stanza to me seemed kind of 'off'
Search far and search wide
As hard as you can
You’ll never find me
I’m the Nowhere Man
First of all, there are a lot of people that can come from different places. So instead of telling the audience to search, you could emphasize on what makes you unique or different. But that's just what I think so...
4. I liked it. And there's still a lot you can do to create more impact (such as fixing the last stanza). And if you don't plan on changing 'The Nowhere Man' I suggest you foreshadow these words from the beginning. I hope that you're not offended and that you're happy where you are now.
Dirge of the SwanIn a land long forgotten by history books, a lonely nomad roamed mountains and forests, driven away from his home long ago by the cruel hand of fate. He travelled through towns, sleeping under bridges and in barbicans, for he had been driven penniless and was mistreated by the people of his town. The cruelty of those he called his fellows tore away at his generosity and amiable nature until it was as tattered as the rags he wore, his fragile armour against the winds and rain. Before long, he had lost all heart and faith in the towns and cities of men and went along his way.
The forests of the island he wandered were kinder to him. The towering oak and pine trees gave him firewood to burn and fruits to eat. The animals of the forest kept a respectful distance from him and never taunted him for his unshaven face or his tattered clothes. He was never pitied by them and he never had to dance for his food or humiliate himself for a few copper pennies. The warbling of the birds in their bran
In the Arms of Life lies Death, for Death is Life(Warning: This is a 2576 word poem. Its religious/philosophical. And its a dark themed deviation. Read at your own risk)
Tra le braccia della Morte è vita, perché la vita è la morte
(In the Arms of Death lies Life, For Life is Death)
To begin this dialogue between the aforementioned realisms
Would be to indulge in the inevitable preexistence of a blind entity
That is life laughing its ugly head through the carnival of the ancient mariner;
Blinded by futility, drunk on satire, ecstasy of the divine comedy consuming its mind
Since that is what occurs to those for whom life is a whore, a prostitute to be kept at hands bay
Indulging with caution, progressing in steps of meager but notable strides
For that was what the drifter thought...
He blinded, deafened, his mind darkened by opiates of disheartening disarray
The existence of a shallow palindrome confusedly guiding the purposeless course through the shreds
Of an engraved torture - eternal life
Sorry if it's confusing
--The Beatles, "Nowhere Man"
closer look at who that common "Nowhere man"
Dave, [bd5000], to my page. he's a
good guy, huh?
thanks for the fav, Skander, and i
like this poem. i'll watch you, at
least for a while, but be warned,
my watchlist is too full.
Right on! Dave really is a great guy to know.
And you're welcome, Pip. It's really beautiful. You have a handsome son and a beautiful wife.
Thanks for the watch despite the full list
It feels good to post some poetry once in a while. It's not too often that I get poetry ideas.
Great work, I loved reading this! <3 Keep it up!