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Nowhere Man by nightshade-keyblade Nowhere Man by nightshade-keyblade

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I haven't written poetry in ages, so I'm glad to have something original to submit.

The first thing that popped into my head one day was the last stanza of this poem, which was partly inspired by the taunting song of the Gingerbread Man.

I was looking for magazines in England that published short stories and poetry, when I came across one that was looking for poems about isolation. Although I haven't submitted any of my work to be published, I still thought of continuing my poem.

I tried to make the whole poem rhyme at first, but eventually I gave up and made only the last stanza rhyme (rhyming poetry was never my strongest suit).

The poem is inspired by a lot of things in my life:

The lonliness of my last two years of high school

The feeling of being out of place as a person with dual nationality who lived in two different countries (born in the Phillippines, lived in Egypt, currently in England)

My own tendency to enjoy solitude and to wander around from place to place just to be alone.

Not to mention the number of transient relationships I have had with people who I probably will never see again.

I'm not sure how well it turned out, but comments and suggestions are welcome.

Let me know what you think, and hope you enjoy it!

The preview image is (c) of :iconintao:
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EDIT

Questions for :iconthewrittenrevolution:

1.) How do you feel about the structure of the stanzas? Does it read too much like prose?

2.) Are there any parts that don't make any sense?

3.) Any lines or stanzas that could be modified somewhat?

4.) General opinions?

Feedback for The Lick of the Flame by :iconlauras45:
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:iconsilver786:
I don't always read poetry, but when I do, I discover some awesome pieces like yours. And it's great !

Now your questions :
1/ I'm not an expert in poetical structures but what I can say about yours is that it kinda reminded me of a japanese song called "Bad Apple".
The fact is that I feel something like a "rythm" when I read it. It's a prose yet there is something that make the whole thing poetic.

2/ I don't see any part that doesn't make sense !

3/ This sentence : " But instead I opt for the simple one, because the truth only leads to more questions " may be a little too long compared to the rest of the poem in my opinion, but I don't know if it will be good to "cut" it into two parts either. That's the only modification I could think of and it's just a little detail honestly.

4/ As a métis who also travelled I recognized myself in some of your lines ^^ especially the famous question "where are you from" :D
I also enjoy solitude.

So yeah, I really loved the story behind your words and the pictures you used. Great job :clap:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconsurreptitiousbloomer:
I'm also Filipino so YAAAY! :)
1. I liked the structure and the organization of the poem. Its free flowing. The imagery was great and there was a lot of impact by the end of it.
2. Everything made perfect sense!
3. When I first read this, I thought it was kind of like a rendition of 'The Host' since the main character was a soul that lived a lot of lives in different forms. And her name was 'Wanderer.' I think that having the last line as 'I'm the Wanderer' is more appropriate because of this line 'Being a wanderer sounds like a nice occupation'

The last stanza to me seemed kind of 'off'

Search far and search wide
As hard as you can
You’ll never find me
I’m the Nowhere Man

First of all, there are a lot of people that can come from different places. So instead of telling the audience to search, you could emphasize on what makes you unique or different. But that's just what I think so...
4. I liked it. And there's still a lot you can do to create more impact (such as fixing the last stanza). And if you don't plan on changing 'The Nowhere Man' I suggest you foreshadow these words from the beginning. I hope that you're not offended and that you're happy where you are now.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
A good poem - food for thought :) I like the last stanza, its a really sharp rebuttal, and something which a lonely writer can relate with. Well done.
Reply
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:thanks: Thank you, I really appreciate that!
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Sir, you're a gem of a writer - how could I not feature you?
Reply
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:blushes: Again, thank you. By the way, I didn't mention it before, but I have actually re-written that piece in particular for a different contest. Would you care to have a read?
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:la: Please send the link!
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I read it, and the minor changes suit those reader who are not well versed with the original poem (that had references to Pagan idols from multitudes of races and people) and gives them a reason to read the original as well.

The addition of this line:

The drifter had endured harshness, loneliness and the wrath of the elements. He had been humiliated and deprived of shelter, food and compassion and his ordeal in the forest petrified his already hardened heart. But as he watched the resplendent creature sink to the icy waters, the indifference that had been his shield for so long was dashed to pieces.

Reminded me of my poems... how do you do it?! (laughs) Seriously though, I don't read my own poems as often as I read others, so making me go back and look at what I've written, does mean a lot to me. Thanks for that.

These are the two poems I was talking about. Having said that, I'll write a comment on your work. Thank you for sharing it with me. Really.

In the Arms of Life lies Death, for Death is Life(Warning: This is a 2576 word poem. Its religious/philosophical. And its a dark themed deviation. Read at your own risk)
Tra le braccia della Morte è vita, perché la vita è la morte
(In the Arms of Death lies Life, For Life is Death)


To begin this dialogue between the aforementioned realisms
Would be to indulge in the inevitable preexistence of a blind entity
That is life laughing its ugly head through the carnival of the ancient mariner;
Blinded by futility, drunk on satire, ecstasy of the divine comedy consuming its mind
Since that is what occurs to those for whom life is a whore, a prostitute to be kept at hands bay
Indulging with caution, progressing in steps of meager but notable strides
For that was what the drifter thought...
He blinded, deafened, his mind darkened by opiates of disheartening disarray
The existence of a shallow palindrome confusedly guiding the purposeless course through the shreds
Of an engraved torture - eternal life
 Mise en Abime by shehrozeameen  
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:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Good to hear, as that was my intent :nod:

Wow, I tell you...I'm very intrigued by that and I find that quite amazing!

My pleasure, and thank you very much for your feedback!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconknow-it-like-a-poet:
Know-It-Like-A-Poet Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student General Artist
I can't seem to figure out what the question means in the first stanza. can you help me out?
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:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, OK. Well...what I meant to show was an image of a lone person walking into a crowd of people who are just rushing and going on with their life. How is he different from anyone else?

Sorry if it's confusing ^^;
Reply
:iconknow-it-like-a-poet:
Know-It-Like-A-Poet Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student General Artist
nah. I just wanted to make sure I understood it so I could critique it soon and hopefully be able to submit one of my poems to tWR
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:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, OK. Thanks!
Reply
:iconmoreagaara:
MoreaGaara Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2010
"He's a real nowhere man/sitting in his nowhere land/making all his nowhere plans for nobody."

--The Beatles, "Nowhere Man"
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:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
That wasn't quite the inspiration for the poem, but the lyrics seem to fit the idea of the poem. I was thinking of that song after I came up with the title, though.
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:iconmoreagaara:
MoreaGaara Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2010
it's just what i thought of when i read it.
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:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I thought people would :aww:

It's a great song, and great band too, huh?
Reply
:iconmoreagaara:
MoreaGaara Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2010
:icondragonnod1:
Reply
:iconwarzonestoic:
warzonestoic Featured By Owner May 25, 2010   Writer
This is very inspirational. It inspires me to take a
closer look at who that common "Nowhere man"
actually is.
Reply
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner May 26, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, Shawn. I'm glad you feel that way.
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
aha! mystery solved - you followed
Dave, [bd5000], to my page. he's a
good guy, huh?

thanks for the fav, Skander, and i
like this poem. i'll watch you, at
least for a while, but be warned,
my watchlist is too full.

:)pip
Reply
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah. Saw your comments on his poems a few times, so I thought "What the heck, I'll go check his page out"

Right on! Dave really is a great guy to know.

And you're welcome, Pip. It's really beautiful. You have a handsome son and a beautiful wife.

Thanks for the watch despite the full list :D
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
that's my son's wife and child.
my son took the picture.
and, thank you.

:)pip
Reply
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner May 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, right. Silly me.
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2010
Hey, it's great to see some poetry from you, my friend. I really like this piece and I love the message and emotion behind the written words.
Well done.
Reply
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much, Dave ^_^

It feels good to post some poetry once in a while. It's not too often that I get poetry ideas.

Thanks again :heart:
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2010
you're welcome, pal.
Reply
:iconallyndupe:
AllynDupe Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
This is really beautiful. :) I really like your poetry, I don't think I've ever told you. :aww: I'm not a huge poetry fan most of the time, but, yours is rather captivating and original. I really enjoy it. :heart:

Great work, I loved reading this! <3 Keep it up! :hug:
Reply
:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
You did tell me you aren't into poetry that much, yeah.

Thank you so much :blush: I'm so glad you like my poetry that much.

It means a lot to me :hug: :heart:
Reply
:iconallyndupe:
AllynDupe Featured By Owner May 1, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Awe, you're welcome! :hug: I really do enjoy it, it's excellent. :heart:

I'm glad it means something to you. <33 :)
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