literature

Defiance

Deviation Actions

Published: Mar 10, 2012

1.1K Views

Literature Text

It starts with loss,
The family torn apart, the friends lost and the peace shattered
By the darkest hearts, the most powerful weapons and the harshest diseases

Then comes grief with its tear-stained face and its anguished cries,
Drowned out by the speed of life
It doesn't make sense.

What did we do wrong?
Why is Heaven against us?

Along came misery with its stone cold silence
Bereaved hearts long encased in an iron shell, if only to fend off
The cold gun in their hands and the ledge of the roof in front of them

If there is a Heaven waiting for us to see our loved ones,
Let our death be hastened.

But the body hesitates and the mind awakens from its slumber
Roused by a single word

No

Heaven is going nowhere, it can wait a while longer
Justice has waited too long.

First comes loss, then grief, and then despair…until all that's left is defiance.

A very quick poem that I thought of just now, composed very quickly.

I thought of a small sentence:

First comes loss...then grief...then despair...until all that's left is defiance.

From there, I started typing and couldn't stop until now. The poem is what you make of it, although I think anyone who has lost something and wants to hit back at injustice can appreciate this poem. Especially those who decide to take arms when war or armed violence has destroyed their families and lives (e.g. in Afghanistan, Libya and Syria).

I hope you enjoy it. Comments will be much appreciated!

Suggested feedback questions for

1.) Are the lines in the stanzas well organised?

2.) Without reading the description, does the poem convey its message well?

3.) Do any of the metaphors/similes/literary techniques make sense or need improvement?

4.) Any issues with formatting or other errors?

For

I have given feedback A Sunrise Scene by

here: [link]

EDIT

I have added additional lines to make the poem more emotionally powerful. I'm not sure if it's helped at all. Please do let me know.

I've been told twice that my work reads like a cross between prose and poetry. How can I remedy that without compromising my style?